Failing to Make Friends
The last close friend I think I made was legitimately was a guy in high school who just seemingly integrated into the group of friends I had at the time .
That was literally more than 10 years ago now.
I knew this for a long time and probably mentioned this before already, but it is a strange realization think I made friends from shared experiences, circumstances and interests. So naturally this would be people you spent a lot of time with in school or at work. But the strange thing for me was that I never made close friends outside of school. Even at the countless jobs I had through high school, university, and beyond. I think I just had comfort and trust built from years of being with these people and growing up together that I was really happy with just my small little group of people I truly cared about to ever make an effort to get closer to interesting people that I met outside of school.
Making friends is truly a strange thing for me now, yes I have people I regularly hang out with, and truly do care for. But the love I share for these people is nothing like the love I share for the people that grew up with me. It puts me an awkward place now. I value friendship a lot, people you truly care about for better or worse, beyond shared interests, just truly good people that your grateful to have in your life. But this comes with time, and I realize that now. It takes serious time to build friendships now and i'm rarely interested in making that time.
I think I got too comfortable in my own bubble and set routines and keeping people at a distance protects my routine at the cost of deepening relationships with people. I have been blessed to live in one of the interesting places in the world that is Shanghai and I have met countless ambitious, interesting people that I would love to be closer with. But I failed to deepen those relationship. Getting too comfortable in my own bubble and routine and the protectionist self-governance policies I mentally created in my mind I think have hurt me in the long term. The cost of this I have felt deeply, the benefits I have experienced as well, an intense focus, drive and determination to try and make it walks with me everywhere I go. It is bitter sweet.
1. I should try to leave my bubble